When you don’t follow your passion for too long

It is hard to feel good if you are not in sync with the actions for your desires and goals. I do speak a lot about goals and plans. And I follow them religiously.

I am a highly goal-oriented individual, I cannot function properly without goals & an organized environment. The last two years were a complete chaos, whether it be my career or professional life, or it is my personal life. I became a workaholic, I worked for 10 – 12 hours a day, sometimes even at the weekends. I was running after the so-called success which money brings. But money can’t give you peace of mind. Or let me rephrase it, ‘Everything has a price!’.

I sold my free time and happiness for money. I was doing a distance Management Program at that time, along with my Fulltime Job. It was a packed schedule even at the weekends. I deprived myself of reading books, writing blogs, meeting up with friends and watching OTTs. Because I had to somehow manage my time for work & study. We all only have 24/7 hours in hand & not more than that. Somehow I deprived myself of genuine happiness.

I have been too hard on myself to become successful, have a promising career, have a Master’s degree etc. Did I ask myself what’s next? Will I become happy after getting the next promotion?

I received two promotions in the past two years, did it make me happy? Sadly, the answer is complicated. Financially my situation is far better now, but I am not doing the things I love. Every day I am sleeping till late, I am having nightmares, and my workload gives me anxiety. My whole eating & sleeping schedule got altered after my marriage. And now it is affecting my moods and hormones.

But my true happiness was writing blogs, it was editing videos for myself. My happiness grew when I wrote about travel blogs when I wrote book reviews. I was happy when I danced to the beats and never stopped till sweats were dropping on the floors. I was happy during my singing training sessions. Art & creativity brings out the best in me. That’s where I can be free.

But there are bills to pay, and foods to bring for the family. And for that, you have to work. So there is no permanent fix but temporary workarounds! I sound like a Software professional which I am by profession. And yes this job has no boundaries when it comes to time and deadlines.

Time management is required, limiting screentime & focusing on the things you love is the key. This is so easy to say, but this time I am struggling to do self-care, to pursue the things I love. But I must stay true to myself, I must follow my passion in my spare time.